More of a question really.

It seems that what we have come to call 'technology' has sort of run into a brickwall.

The thrill we experienced in the late 1980s and into the 1990s is just not quite as thrilling as it was back the. Windows, Apple, Microsoft Office, cell phones, laptops, downloads, uploads, application after application, flat screens, wide screens, remote access, this and that, on and on.

Technology is one of my favourite hobbies. Yet, with every new release or new promise of the next BIG THING all I get out of it is a BIG YAWN. I want to know why?

Is it my age? Is it my gender? Or is it because Gates and Jobs have finally run out of ideas?

The early days of a company called Mosaic were so exciting, then Netscape, then Yahoo - now Google, eBay and so on. Sadly, they have now all become the GMCs, Fords, Shells, Exxons and GEs of of todays world. Boring, staid, lackluster, bottom-lining trawlers. Alliances and dalliances trundling on in a dreary nanoplastic dance where we have all become the audience, consumers reliant on cyber content.

Technology is going through a fine-tuning period it seems. We are ironing out the bugs, a tiresome techno-edit which results in nothing more daily offerings of the same old products with the lame promise of "bigger, faster and the famous 'much much more' which never goes on to say exactly what 'much much more' may mean if it were asked udner oath. The collapsing prices of chips, hard drives and the computers they inhabit is very telling. Not even dual core technology has received any great 'yahoo' from user. Add to this the fact that the giant Microspft ahs not managed to fart out its latest rendering of an operating platfrom and one wonderswhat the hell is going on? Steve Jobs must be happy to note that Gates has stumbled yet again on the OS side of things, but the millions of PC users wonders must be getting the jitters. The technology highway was always going to be bumpy, but now it seems that we may have run out of road all together.

The chances of another gates or Steve Jobs coming along in the near future must be very slim indeed. Here's the problem. What on earth's planet do we need that we do not already have in the context of technology and information. Sure, we don't all have it, but that is only a matter of time.

We need to cure cancer, aids, poverty, housing, education, freedom of speach and religious choice. Let's not talk about democracy; that's a sore point right now.

The world as whole needs to give its head a shake and focus on the needy and a dying planet. Technology can wait.

Who is running this show?

With the world's population reaching 6.5 billion in 2006 our understanding of the United States of America is possibly lower than at any other stage in history. We 6.2 billion or so look on in dismay as this great transformer of a nation twists and turns in the winds of it own making, its flag flapping and fraying at the edges in a maelstrom of confusing aspirations and agendas.

If self-doubt ever attended the mass-consciousness of the citizens of the United States of America it is today. These are glib, sad and sadly obvious words with which few Americans, save for a handful of Bush-loyalists, would disagree. It is not is not the Civil War, the Second World War, Korea, Vietnam, 9/11, Iraq One or Two, the Sandinistas, Castro, Chavez, Oil, Out-sourcing, Over-sourcing, Katrina, Nicole, Brittany, Bling, Bob or Bing that are the problem. It is much, much more. It is almost as though the problem could best be described as "everything and anything." That is why so many friends in the US simply say ‘don’t go there’ when anything even vaguely resembling ‘the question’ arises. How long can the US endure this uncertainty? More to the point and of greater significance, for how long can the US endure, period?Though we are but 6.2 Billion, sitting here in the audience there is little we can do to offer a helping hand for it is the helper who holds the answer, the US itself. We see a great country which has gone into debt, often on our behalf to save us from one horror or the other. We see a nation founded on well-meant ideals, on freedom, on liberty and equality. And now, in-equal in so many ways, we stand by while our mentor gasps and flounders, stricken with ineptitude and without good counsel.The United States Congress, the Senate, the Whitehouse, the media and the citizens of US need, in their own words, a 'time out.' To stop, take a breather, and look around you. Reassess the real situation; not the situation in Wolf Blitzer's Situation Room. Or the stunned self-righteousness that flows from Lou Dobbs or the simply stunned look on Larry King's face when an enlightened Jon Stewart makes a remark that leaves Larry's brain in park.

“70%” of the population of the US is against the Dubai Ports deal, according to Lou Dobbs. He sounds incredulous as he goes on to say, with utter resentment, that the CEO of the Dubai-company feels that the US needs to ‘educate itself in the deal.’ To think that anyone would suggest that the US needs educating; seems beyond belief to Dobbs. He is equally amazed that George Bush and his staff are in apparent agreement with the gentleman from Dubai.

So it has come down to this; the US is indeed a know it all. And if there is any doubt, just ask a CNN reporter. Is it any wonder that we 6.2 billion sometimes look at the 300 million with a little mistrust? Does the CBC run Canada? Does the BBC run the United Kingdom (They’d like to think so; but the British, who invented the media, would never let the BBC get away with such a thing.)

Which of that 70% who now oppose the Dubai deal voted for George Bush in two elections? Which of the 70% who now oppose the Dubai deal, agreed with the administration that Iraq hid weapons of mass destruction? Who among the 70% of those who now oppose the Dubai deal agreed with the decision to go against the United Nations and invade Iraq?

Perhaps the next time an important decision needs to be made on behalf of the citizens of the United States of America they should forego the tired and outmoded and democratic process and ‘go straight to the source’ as CNN would have it. Call Lou Dobbs; it seems he is educated, while the 6.2 billion are not.

Balearic Ballad

There was once
A girl from Ibiza
Who said
That sex
Was
Beneath Her.

A second kick at the Official Community Plan can

Last summer critics of the proposed revision to the Maple Ridge Official Community Plan provided Council and Staff with a vigorous and pointed demonstration of what they disliked about the plan and where they thought the process lacked leading to the final draft. Council and staff have now responded responsibly and promptly by giving the community a chance at righting the perceived wrongs of the 2005 rendition of the OCP.

This may be a good time to thank both the previous council and the new council for their efforts to date; and to thank the staff which, by its presence, makes continuity of the process possible, notwithstanding the vagaries of municipal politics. This is also a good time to thank the 175 speakers or so who made their concerns known throughout the long and often heated hearings last summer; and to thank those who emailed and wrote some 1000 letters to the Hall, mostly critical of the OCP.

Even so, 175 speakers, 1000 letter writers, a handful of staff, one mayor and six councilors is nothing compared to the 64,247 acres which comprise Maple Ridge and the 73,000 souls who occupy this District. 64,247 acres is a number constant and 73,000 people which is number increasing at an unpredictable rate.

Wisely it has been decided to put to tender the job of coordinating this next attempt at putting to bed the community’s next five year plan. This is a good idea which follows more or less the principles of public consultation process as applied during the SmartGrowth on the ground project. Will it be as successful?

That is really up to the community. Having had the opportunity to act out their role as critics, the public are now being given the opportunity to reflect and innovate. My wish is that the most vociferous of the critics show up at all the workshops and every other opportunity they get to add their ideas to the next OCP. We already know that not every creative solution will fly, but we will also know that we have had our say and found, one hopes, consensus. The first people to show up the workshops should be the interest groups and the community associations and groups and the individuals and corporations who see themselves as part of the District’s future. If these people and groups and can reach consensus through the process facilitated by Stantec then it will make the hearings less of a battle ground and we can move forward with some degree of confidence first towards 2010 (of course) and then 2020 and on.

To my mind participation in helping to develop the plan is more or less a season ticket to attending the hearings when they come. It will not go unnoticed that at least two of the 2005 critics will be prevented from getting behind at the mike this summer’s hearings as they now find themselves on receiving end. Something about getting what you wish for.

Claus Andrup
Port Haney

Is the middle east still relevant?

Amid the latest bombings in Amman, the civil war in Iraq, the permanent discord in the Israeli/Palestinian dispute and a host of perhaps lesser yet equally and seemlingly solutionless issues, does the middle east have any relevance in the gobal village? Has the daily menu of dead women, children and the elderly simply become as dull to TV and internet audiences as say a soap drama that has run on too long?

George Bush may be accused of many things, but foresight would not be one of them.

He foresaw that he could somehow save the world and enrich his supporters in the oil and gas industry in one move. Now he foresees that he needs to cozy up to the United Arab Emirates for reasons known only to himself' perhaps it is the simple fact that for all the chaos we see in the middle east it is also home to many businessmen who could run circles around any US business on any given day. For a man who acts out with such purpose on our TV monitors every day, it is clear now (to some it has always been clear) that he has no purpose at all. He is of little use to his own nation and is simply an irritation and an embarrasement to those nations who are forced to feign friendship out of legacy to the United States. Americans today must be counting the weeks and days to his departure from public life and the world stage.

Regretably, once he is gone, his own legacy will be that he spent $3 trillion dollars on removing a single man from power, Saddam Hussein. Economists and even humanists may find this price a trifle rich. And for all of that where exactly is Osama Bin Laden holed up. The safety of the six ports that the Dubai-owned company wishes to acquire is safer than congress thinks as it may well be that Bin Laden through the normal mechanisms available to international entrepreneurs, is a shareholder of P&O. Bush is surrounded by men and women who, one would have thought, have been trained to "think things through". While this may work for some, it is of no significance if the boss sees thinking as an impidement to "mission accomplished."

If Bush had been thinking from the outset he would have, for instance, been a promoter of fuel conservation rather than fuel invasion. The question is not; why did the US elect George Bush? The real question is; why did the Republican Party allow Bush the candidacy? Notwithstanding the difficulties the US has as a nation (now so more than ever) how is it that from battalions of highly educated and skilled men and women they cannot find an individual who can lead with confidence, not arrogance, and kindness, not patronage?

The US and Britain, along with a handful of smaller players, has left the middle east in disaray. The sooner they remove themselves from the middle east theater, the sooner calm will return. There can be little sense in fighting when the goal is pride. What would constitute a victory for the coalition? US style democracy? Just how democractic is democracy in the US? Should we believe that life in the US is somehow more enriching and fulfilling than life in say Europe, South America, Australia? What is it that makes regime after regime in the Whitehouse believe that we should all follow their lifestyle? And if Iraq is an example of the price for this privilege, I'd warrant that the price is simply too high.

The middle east is relevant as partner to the west, but it needs space to determine its own future. The lessons of the past have not been learned; Iran, Iraq, Israel, Palestine should never have been influenced by Europe, particularly the British. It is too late for the those who have died over the decades, but it will never be too late for the west to remove itself and its archaic ideas from the middle east.

The Zoo

I went to the zoo.

It's a jungle in there.

A BETTER MAPLE RIDGE 2010? And other musings.

A BETTER MAPLE RIDGE 2010?

Public Areas

1 All overhead wiring needs to go below grade (Hydro, Telephone, Cable and ancillary).

2 All street lighting needs to be upgraded throughout the District – current lighting standards are hazardous to old and young as the many deaths on our streets testify. There is not enough light on the street, making it easy for crime and hazardous for foot traffic (given that the district is part of a campaign to make Maple Ridge ‘walkable’ one would think that it would pay more attention to detail such as lighting).

3 Crosswalks need to be properly lit and signposted – this is obvious – it is only a matter of time before the next person is killed on a crosswalk – blame will be put on the driver or the pedestrian whereas the real blame lies with the District for poorly designed crosswalks.

4 General road repairs need to be undertaken all over, and while this being done to some extent, the program needs to be accelerated for the town to be up to snuff for 2010.

5 Shop keepers and landlords on the niche retail strip on the Lougheed need to add hanging baskets, awnings and similar devices to make the downtown shopping area more attractive.

6 Permanent task force hired by the District employed to do nothing more than remove shopping trolleys and sundry unsightly garbage from the streets.

7 The District urgently needs to change its attitude towards financing sidewalks. Over the years a policy of coercing developers into carrying the financial burden of sidewalks has become part of the District’s culture. This needs to change so that public sidewalks and services are constructed in a planned, consistent and contiguous manner and that the financial burden is born by the District/Tax payer.

The Development Community

1 Construction standards in Maple Ridge meet the allowable standards under Building Code in BC and generally comply with Canadian standards. As result new home buyers are not receiving value for their money. “Adequate” simply won’t do in the future. Far above adequate is where architects, developers and builders should be aiming. The current construction boom is having a negative impact on standards in BC – Maple Ridge seems content to follow the herd on this. It is unlikely anything is going change and home buyers should be prepared for lower standards as time progresses. We are seeing smaller livable areas, poorly built (if not hazardously built), using cheaper materials and sold at higher prices. Home buyers are being taken to the cleaners.

2 It may be tempting to think that homes are improving – dollar for dollar we are worse off than ever – overpaying for below standard homes. At the same time neither developers nor builders are making much more than net 10-15% on a home, so there do not appear to be any winners – excluding the lenders of course.

3 The age (beginning in the pioneering era) of combustible construction should be drawing to an end, but on the contrary is accelerating – this needs urgent attention. On a similar note – in the UK for instance, certain groups are trying to encourage similar construction that practiced in Canada. Presumably this is because timber-frame is quick and cheap, thereby reinforcing that buyers are indeed not getting value for money. If developers prefer ‘quick and cheap’ then that is what the buyer is getting; a product that is quick and cheap. This holds little promise for the neighbourhoods built in this way. Local government has to ask itself what these neighbourhoods will look like in 50 years. Interesting that we plan for the future through such devices as the livable regions plan, OCP and so on, but we never ask ourselves ‘how will what I am doing today (as opposed to planning) look in decades to come. Our perspective is narrowed and limited by the fact that we find it hard to extract ourselves from the present when we plan. We respond to our present instinctively. Land owners, developers, realtors, builders, consultants are interested in today’s profits as much as local government is focused on fiscal health. Government competes with companies and individuals for the same pot – often the community suffers as a result.

Surf's up

No other life.

Mandela

"I'd heard that Nelson was a big man. Little did I know just how big!"

Radio Haney in South Africa

Radio Haney is currently on assignment (see "having a good time on the beach"). Your correspondent will be back in Haney on January 17 2006 with tales straight out of Africa.

All that we can report to date for sure is that travellers to Cape Town should avoid Frankfurt Airport at all costs - this is not a good place.

The children of Azania

2006 marks the 30th anniversary of one of the saddest days in South Africa’s history. In June and July 1976 the African children of SOWETO, the now well-known township that sprawls south west of Johannesburg, rose up against the Apartheid regime in protest at being forced to learn the Dutch tongue of Afrikaans, a language associated with the repression of the indigenous peoples of South Africa. What followed was the whole-sale slaughter of some the country’s most important treasures, its children.

30 years on, and the slaughter of our children continues unabated; Baghdad, Darfur, Palestine, India, Pakistan, China, the United States, Canada, Europe, the world; no corner of the planet offers safe haven to our children.

Looking back now it seems that moment in SOWETO somehow defined all that is wrong with our species. At the same time that event, carried out in the bleak streets of SOWETO exposed once again the courage which we as humankind are capable of.

“Azania is the name that is used by a broad section of African revolutionaries and progressive forces who support the Azanian Revolution and are working for the overthrow of racist South Africa. Azania means a blackman’s country. ‘South Africa’ on the contrary is the name that was given by white settlers to the southern tip of Africa to consolidate their political, economic and military suppression of the indigenous black population –the owners of the country– Azania.” David Dube, THE RISE OF AZANIA The Fall of South Africa, Daystar Publications Ltd., Lusaka, Zambia 1983

In today’s so-called ‘post-apartheid’ era the majority of South Africans would in all likelihood disagree with David Dube’s reasoning for a name change; and for many practical and economic reasons this probably just as well. Anyone who has changed the something as simple as a company name, will no what it takes, in terms of time and money. Doing the same for a country would be challenging indeed. None the less, to have named a country based simply on its geographical location was a somewhat lazy way out. On study, the name South Africa also reflects uncertainty as to ownership. None of the early settlers thought to call it New Lisbon, or New Rotterdam, New England or New Holland in the way that we see in for instance New Zealand. There is no country known as South America, it is a continent, not a country. Azania therefore, it seems to me, may not be found to have an actual or traceable reason for the being the legitimate name for South Africa, but is a name which impacted sufficiently for me to refer always in the poetic sense to South Africa as ‘Azania’.

So it was that in October 26th in 1976 that the horror of the SOWETO children’s uprising that I decided to for once and for all my Azania. It had become too much for me. Reflecting now on those times it seems that my decision to leave Azania in 1976 may have been the action of a coward or worse, a witness to an unspeakable crime –apartheid– who fled the scene rather than remain to help the victims. Coward, frightened witness or perhaps just an act of protest, I fled nonetheless. With my bags packed I wrote my farewell to Azania, before leaving for Johannesburg airport.

Azania the poem is a reflection, a snap shot of my feelings on the October 26th, 1976. It expresses disappointment and fear, but mostly disappointment. The author could be accused of being under the influence of any one of the mind-bending drugs available at the time; the images are a composite of reality and fantasy and pay no heed to form or sequence. To some readers the poem may be meaningless, to others pointless; a few will get the drift.


AZANIA

Soon to leave blood sobbing shores in sad failure's disgrace
Where the feet of a million virgins` dispair slowly stamps out
The black face staring down from the stars in Shaka's grave
Looking on with stones for eyes and rich deep soil for thought.

Fingers of lethal sweetness curl about the bravery
Strangling by greenfields, murder in full sight by day.

Soon to cast a one last look at gravel paths to heaven
Where the overseer's home above Wynberg's crippled camp hovers
In lonely sacrifice to Humanity for Mankind's sake once more.

See how cities vanish when tears cover them in sin
How nations slide beneath the quicksand of lust.

Waving from the light that takes me away blind with fear
Yet knowing fully all-aware
With thoughts of Azania still roughly hewn in my future.
Azania's arena, where bold as granite faces turn from the reality
Rotting in this country's streets smelling only of faint hope
Like excreta disguised in rose's faces held up to the white goddess.

Filled with departure like bursting pigs we flee to innocence and security,
The illusion no human fails to possess in yet his mildest dreams

We go Azania
We stay Azania
We pray with mouths of seeds that
Never sought the chance to sprout
Nor ever will in this barren debate.

Soon to leave the green and undulating blue sea-sweet mountain
All along a vacuum filled only with the coming of Azania
Racing down through history like an eagle on the prey.

Africa wears its soul in Azania, a man hanged upside down
And loudly tortured by knives, he spills a threatened truth
All over the history hazard and our silly misconceptions.

Though we were doubtless happy landlords in this land a while
It crumbles now in ghetto neglect as we with trembling guilt
Face the committee of black black suffering now breathing in our skin.

Mumbling schoolboy excuses we call out like fading waterfalls for help
Saying 'but I thought, sir` to Azania
In vain, pleading naivety

Soon to leave the shaded drives of ambition's crumbling greedy road
Where our friends like paper thieves hang dead from the silent gallows,
Happy once in ignorance, relieved now of oppressions load.

CA 26/10/76

Freshly baked one-liners

Somwhere in Maple Ridge, British Columbia

"There once was a girl from Ibiza

Who said that sex

was beneath her."

"Money is the loot of all evil."
"The pun is mightier than the pen."
"Art is the inventory of the soul."
"So, I met this fisherman. I said.......I said, what's your net worth?"
"I had this rabbit. I called him Anthony Hopkins."
"Pantaloon" def. Canadian trouser-wearing duck.
The Houdini Union for Escape Artists - "Untied we Stand."
"It is not slaves who should be abolished, it is their masters."
"Panhandlers are a catalyst for change."

Canada's Problem is that it has no problems

Liberal, Conservative, NDP, Bloc or Green?

Which of these parties shall I vote for?

And why?

Is there something I don't have that they can provide?

Do I need a home? Nope, got one of those? How about a car? Nope. What about a bigger car? Well, frankly I'd prefer a smaller one; smaller gas bills, lower insurance costs and less maintenance. What about food and clothing then? Well, not really. In fact I had to get rid of some of the clothing that's being cluttering up my home. Food,? No thanks. Anyway, last week the doctor told me to loose weight. How about medicare? As I said, the doctor told me to loose weight. Do you need a job then? Are you kidding me, I'm trying to cut back on work.

So, is there anything I can do for you at all, Mr. Voter? Do your kids need education? No, I think we've got that covered for the moment. Nothing at all then? No. Are you sure?

Well, there is one thing. What's that? Could you just leave me alone for a year or two. That would be nice. Let's have some political quiet time. In fact, go to your room. And don't come out until you can think of something useful to say and, who knows, perhaps even do.

Canadian Federal Elections January 26 2006 - Strike One

Harper, in this humble conservative's opinion, has just made the first mistake of the campaign. I only hope it is not fatal. Only two strikes left. Why do we insist on making it so easy for the Liberals. Economy, economy, economy is the name of the game. Forget the moral window dressing.

A foggy calm settles over Maple Ridge

Almost since the night he was elected, a foggy calm has settled over Mayor Elect Gordon Robson's Maple Ridge. Yeterday, for the first time in days, the fog lifted, as did the mood of the residents of this hamlet on the Fraser. With a population of 73,000 'hamlet' may be too romantic a description.

Just yesterday, November 24th 2005, I received a call from someone outside our community who 'had heard that we had elected a can-do mayor' and that things looked rosy for the development community. Things also look rosy for the addicted community, if the press has it right. And things look rosy for commuters and job seekers too. It seems we may be living in Nirvana. There are reports of travellers spotted in the distance who have heard of this place called Maple Ridge, a modern-day Shangrila, nestled quietly below the northern mountains of the Fraser Vallley on the banks of the serpentine, silt-filled Fraser River.

Less certain are the prospects for an Albion-sited First Pro and Wall-Mart (those evil twins of the retail world). The headlines on the front-page of the NEWS on November 23 say it loud and clear "Don't hold your breath First Pro." Mayor Robson, while publicly unimpressed by the Wall-Mart and cousin First Pro, may privately be turning the prospect of a big box presence in the Albion Flats over in his head. Council will be divided; here's my prediction: For BIG BOX: Daykin, Dueck (for sure); Against BIG BOX King, Speirs (for sure); On the fence: Stewart and Hogarth (not sure). Robson should stay away from the debate if he has any political sense; so far he has shown that when it comes to political sense he may have more than Maple Ridge has ever witnessed in a novice mayor.

The fog has lifted now, replaced by (surprise-surprise) rain. Sunny weather is in the forecast. But that's to be expected in Shangrila.

What follows putting your money where your mouth is?

It is commonly heard of government critics that if they have so much to say for themselves they should themselves stand for election. Mayor, yes Mayor Gordon Robson has done just that.

He complained and whined for years, suggested that he could do a better job, and was willing to spend an awful lot of money to make his point. It is safe to say that he made his point quite handily on November 19, 2005.

Some will be shocked by his win, some will do back-flips with glee, and some will wait and see. The first and most striking difference between pre-mayoral life and mayoral life that Mr. Robson will be aware of, is that he is no longer a one man show. Whereas he once required only one vote of approval to move forward, he will now be bound by a minimum of of four. It is obvious to many political aficionados that he unlikely to be met favourably by King and Spiers. And he will have to convince the other four members of council if he has particularly strong sentiments on any particular issue. And persuasive as he may be in his private life, or as a citizen, he may find that getting it done the Robson-way in chambers will require skills hitherto latent in his armory of not-to-be-underestimated unlearned talents.

I would expect a calm and measured demeanor from any incumbent. Riotous behaviour from the masses beyond the palace walls in what democracy, by its nature, invites. The chaos of public opinion needs to be countered by maturity and contemplated judgment within the palace court. It remains to be seen whether the next three years will be like partying in a mosh pit at a Green Day concert (poor choice of band, under the circumstances) or a pleasant stroll down the boulevard of sensibility.

Tempting though it is to pre-judge, the best policy by far is to hang on to the public end of the rope and let it out slowly as the statutory term progresses. The masses, riotous and eager as always are keen to line the road to the gallows. For the moment, however, they will need to show some restraint. The same restraint that we expect from Mayor Robson, yes Mayor Robson.

Listen for the thud of gloves hitting the forest floor

The Whonnock all candidates meeting is behind us.

On reflection, the Whonnock affair was pretty tame (probably due to the candidates' fear of upsetting the moderator), but Hammond saw the temperature rising as a de facto curtain raiser for the ECRA meeting held last night, Thursday November 10th, 2005.

As a seasoned moderator - Whonnock was my first - I have some advice for the moderators of the Hammond and ECRA meetings. In future don't waste the public's and candidates' time with long introductions and self-promotion, but for God's sake get on with the business at hand. The ECRA organizers meeting seemed very poorly prepared from almost every angle. When the moderator spends the last five minutes of the evening telling the participants that they only have five minutes left, the whole thing starts to take on the appearance of Monty Python or Fawlty Towers.

With hostilities breaking out all over the place it seems to me that the gloves will be coming off by Monday 14th when the action switches to the next scheduled meeting at Websters Corners. At the last election three years ago I recall that the proceedings were organized by the Robson Gang. If that is true this time around, then Monday night will amount to a Home Game for the Gordster, Gordy, Gord, Gordyflops or Gordzilla, whatever the current title may be. If you think he's been feeling his oats (among other things) in recent times, wait till you see Monday's show. How many goons he has planned for asking questions of the apparent left-wing slate of Hartley, King, Gordon and Challenger (Speirs is not included as he was benched last night) is anyone's guess. I imagine that Richard's-Hackers will come to his aid with another bunch of filched emails and printouts from hijacked internet packets.

Last night I thought that Speirmint was going to drop the gloves on the shrill little fellow from atop Thornhill who wants to save the world from too much Green Zone and the dratted agricultural land that keeps spoiling the aquifer, or something like that, it is often hard to keep track of the logic. This whining wannabe developer's outburst was met with the same incredulity that he discovered ever-present in the crowd at the OCP hearings.

Jaques Richard always seem to follow closely on the heels (the Thornheels) of the pro-development crowd on the hill.

Speaking of the foster guy, it seems he has been fostering more than just children. Rumour has it he is also financed through a series of numbered companies that can be traced back to his old friend at Harvey's Building supplies and that other unsuspecting candidates are receiving a steady stream of $250 donations from a series of numbered companies. Robson is being truthful when he says he does not accept money from numbered companies. On the contrary, he is instead said to be providing funds to well-known companies who in turn fund numbered companies who in turn fund Robsonesque (I thought I'd keep the french theme going) candidates. Faye Isaac is French. So if you are French (or think you are French) and are running for council or Mayor, and if you happen to be receiving cheques for $250 at a time from a nombered compagnie, the chances are that you will one day stand accused of being a Wall-Marting, First-Proing little you know what. Of course, I don't believe a word of it. But there are those that do - many, many Scottish people, for instance, do believe that Robson, far from being supported by Wall-Mart is actually paying Wall-Mart and First Pro to support the Robsonites. Robson is more powerful than Sam Walton - holy smart growth, fire up the bong and call me dopey.

Speaking of which, I hear that Perry has hired the firm of Cheech + Chong as his defence team and assistant fund raisers. Where does this leave those slutty little slate devils recently concocted by the Fearsome-Speirsome - he certainly scared the pants of the moderator last night, who was about to ring the bell for crosschecking. With so many people hanging their hats on the OCP (Overtly Complicated Proposal) it will be interesting to see who the panel of council and mayor will be, sweating it out over weeks' of deliberation at the next OCP public hearings. I won't be voting for Robson as Mayor, but there is part of me who would love to be on the speakers list with him in the hot seat. Mmmmm, relish the thought. The rumour, by the way, that I am Robson's love child, simply isn't true. Yes, my mother was a tight-rope walker in the Ringaling Circus, but she told me categorically that she never clowned around.

More manure than the ALR can take

Given the truckloads of freshly contrived manure being distributed around Maple Ridge during these weeks leading up to the 2005 municipal elections, is this the right time to be removing agricultural land from our limited ALR, I ask? What with that much mud flying around it is little wonder that our streams are showing signs of contamination. The developers, for just a brief moment, should not be held accountable for the environmental chaos that follows municipal campaigns. Clearly it is muddy thinking that is the cause. Mud and manure emits from, and is delivered to, the candidates in such quantities that were it not for the absorbent qualities of our triple-sheeted electorate we'd all be up that excrement-saturated creek without any idea of where to put the voter's paddle. Who makes all this stuff up?

Morse backed by Wal-Mart? It makes a great story, but seriously undermine's the credibility of the accuser. Frankly, its all getting a little stupid. Hopefully, the candidates are cashing all their 'stupid cheques' now so that when they enter the chamber anew it will be with only smart ideas and wise decisions, with the idiotic innuendos and BS discarded along the campaign trail, hopefully where no further environmental damage can be caused.

With land use the only real issue it is quite amazing how the candidates expand their powers far beyond what is normally regarded local government influence. It must be the Kryptonite in the lemon ice at Marina's Gelato Parlour - now that will leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

Some of the candidates seem to be fans of Law & Order and having nothing else on their minds, but taking the streets back. Looking at the state of some our streets, I'd be quite happy not to have them back at all. When, for instance, are we going to get some lighting on our streets. Fighting crime with a flashlight is so, well, twentieth century.

The grayness of election month is never kind. Can't we have elections in July or August? Make a party of it. Being forced to choose a Mayor in the cold and rain of a typical Ridge November is not made any more cheerful by the weather; knowing as one does that at least two more miserable Novembers will follow before one can correct the mistake, should any be be made. We have yet to reach that point in political technology where one can walk into chambers with a big white out stick on any Tuesday evening and give it a quick swish around the room, removing those who fail to keep their promises. Trouble with that is we'd clear the room, gallery and all. Keeping promises is just as tough for voters as it is for the candidates.

What I hope for is a Mayor and council who can bring calm to civic life for the next three years; we do not need grandstanding over petty issues. Maturity would be great (says he, that's rich). As Churchill once said: "Everything is important, but nothing is frightfully important." So it is with towns like ours. It is all important, but not important enough to spill your Starbucks over; or move to Pitt Meadows for; or not show up at an all candidates meeting for. Elections are (weather permitting) a lot of fun really; a chance for all us to speak out and show that our communal voice, while not always in harmony, still makes us the unique society that we undoubtedly are. We're fantastic really; lets remind each other of that now an then.

I'm beginning to think we'd be better off just leaving the job of running Maple Ridge to staff. Politicians make for good entertainment and give us something to talk about. In the meantime we need to get on with creating a pleasant place to live. The candidates are not making it any easier.

Gambling with children's future

During the 2005 teachers' job action in Maple Ridge some parents reacted to the suggestion that School District 42 and First Pro had secret plans to turn Kanaka School in the Albion Flats into a 24 hour casino.

SmartGrowth on the Ground traffic calming methods

One way of calming traffic in the future being tested above.......traffic slows to a crawl while motorists figure out the meaning of road signs in Maple Ridge. The "08 kph" and "no kraping" will be particularly effective as will "first hour kraping free"